While thinking about the difficulty of parenting and some of the self-imposed burdens parents endure, I had a little brainstorm. With apologies to C.S. Lewis, here it is.
The Scene:
Satan is hosting a brainstorming session—doing some long range strategic planning with his executive team. It’s 1960, and he’s planning ahead on how he will attack the first generation of children to grow up in the new millennium—after the year 2000.
Burden, Satan’s Minister of Material Excess is speaking:
“So, we’ll continue to use our old friend television to consume the time and influence the thinking of parents. I believe over 40 years we can totally reorient their thinking. Realign their moral compasses.
“The beauty of television is that we can also make them want lots of stuff. Everything they watch will make their lives seem dreary by comparison, make them dissatisfied with their lives, their jobs, their spouses, their children.
“We’ve got some teams working on new ideas called HGTV and Martha Stewart. Our plan is to make it so that even when they are resting at home, they won’t feel any peace.
“The bottom line is, the more they want, the more they’ll buy. We’ll make them spend more than they make . . . so that both parents have to work all the time. Lot’s of stress. Lot’s of overtime. Second jobs . . .not much time for the kids. When they come home they will be so tired they’ll just want to CRASH . . . . And where will they crash--are you ready for this?--in front of the TV!”
A particularly pale demon with huge dark circles under his eyes spoke up. “The technology division is working on this thing called the Internet. We think it’s going to be huge.
“The Internet will be a little like TV, but they’ll be able to interact with it—look at anything they want, buy anything they want with the click of a button! They won’t even need money—just a credit card number.” He nods to the Minister of Material Excess. “They will buy a lot of stuff on credit. And the opportunities for Theft and Fraud are just a bonus.”
“But won’t the enemy be able to use the Internet too? You know, to spread the Bad News?” The interruption came from Cynicism, one of the oldest.
“Of course, of course . . . they always try. But that will be a drop in the bucket compared to the avalanche of sleaze we will be able to run through it.”
“Oooo! Oooo!” A young member of the Communications Legion seemed about to burst. “We can use technology like that to create waves and waves of entertainment. Movies, videos, on-demand TV. Instead just good old ABC, NBC and CBS, they will have thousands of options to fill up their time. They’ll be able to access anything their weak little hearts want to watch.”
“The best part,” said Burden, “is that all this new entertainment, the new technology, wlll cost them more and more. They think they will have to have it, so they’ll work more and more. TV, the Internet, entertainment—these will be the primary sources of guidance for the children. Just imagine it . . . parents supplanted by content. And, of course, we know who will generate most of the content.”
Some in the group clapped enthusiastically, but most held back, knowing the boss was not one to waste time or energy.
“How’s our Guilt Initiative coming along? “ Satan asked.
Whittle, the project leader spoke nervously, talking very fast. “Oh, it’s going very well. As parents are more and more distracted, they always compensate by giving their children more and more stuff. And when they see other parents buying their kids stuff, they will have to get even more stuff. Which of course will guarantee they will get deeper in debt, and have to work even more, and then grow more guilty . . . it’s what the guys down in marketing call a “’delicious cycle.’”
“It sounds like a competition!” one called out.
“Oh it will be,“ said Whittle. “Parents will feel so much pressure just to keep up, just to put on the good show, it will consume a lot of them.”
Fated, who was observing his 3500th anniversary as Director of Intended Consequences had an idea. “You know what we need to go along with that? Kid’s sports. Lot’s of them—baseball, soccer, basketball, football, swimming, cheerleading—we can make it a year-round thing. We’ll fill their lives with it. When they’re not working, they will be at some field somewhere, focusing what energy they have left cheering at games. It worked in Rome.”
Fester, a junior member of Fated’s team, was eager for the boss to notice him. “So instead of parents actually spending time with their kids, they’ll encourage their kids to spend time with virtual strangers? That’s brilliant, sir!”
“We’ll actually make them feel guilty if they don’t!” Whittle added. “I like it.”
“There’s more,” Fated continued. “We can add—drum roll please—all-stars and select teams to burn up even more family time and fuel that competitive pride.” Fated paused and struck a pose that only a demon of his stature would dare in the presence of the great master, “I can envision parents buying outrageously expensive baseball bats--using their credit cards, of course, Burden--and expensive uniforms, and painting their kids names all over their mini-vans.”
“Huh . . . what’s a mini-van?” said Ignorance, who was always a little slow.
“I’ll explain later,” said Fated. “It’s something our Exxon division is working on.”
Estima, from the Pride Consortium weighed in. “I’ll see to it that some of those kids will get so full of themselves that by the time they’re teenagers they will be absolutely insufferable”
“That’s perfectly devilish! “ said Fated.
“Why, thank you!”
Gilded, the Vice President of Religious Development, rose on his six feet and raised his five hands to quiet the room. He waited for stillness. Gilded always expected complete attention when he spoke. Although Gilded never really had an idea of his own, but only adapted the ideas of others to take them as his own, he believed his ideas were the most compelling.
“These are fine ideas, brothers, but what we need is to undermine the churches. I think we need to bring into the churches the over-commitment of time, the expectations of a good show--anything that will add to the stress. We must keep people working on priorities that keeps them so busy, but do not really change anything.
“And competition. We will bring the competition thing into the church as well, so that some people feel they are better than others, and some feel they will never fit in.
“And the guilt thing—we want people to feel guilty all the time, so that even when they’re worshiping the Enemy, they won’t feel good about it. They’ll grow to detest church. By 2010 I see families staying away from churches in droves.”
Satan, who had been listening thoughtfully, said “Gentle creatures, this is excellent work. Great thinking, all of you.”
Then Doubt said something timidly. “But . . . but doesn’t the Bible warn them about all of this? Doesn’t it teach them to be aware of these things and live differently?
Satan replied, “I wouldn’t worry too much about that. We’ll have them so busy, so stressed out, so distracted, so en-ter-tained they won’t have time to read the Bible very much.”
With that Satan stood up to go. “I hate to break this up, but it is the 60’s after all and I’ve got a lot to do. I’ve got my sexual revolution task force at 9 . . . and the My Body My Choice team is stopping by at 10.”
Satan pulled out his iPhone and scrolled the calendar. “The remedial racism class is at 11:00.”
Turning to his assistant Satan said, “We need to push that nuclear propagation meeting so I can have lunch with the AIDS team from research and development . . . . And the World Poverty and Ignorance Sustainability Conference will be here before we know it.
“So much to do. So much to do.”
The Scene:
Satan is hosting a brainstorming session—doing some long range strategic planning with his executive team. It’s 1960, and he’s planning ahead on how he will attack the first generation of children to grow up in the new millennium—after the year 2000.
Burden, Satan’s Minister of Material Excess is speaking:
“So, we’ll continue to use our old friend television to consume the time and influence the thinking of parents. I believe over 40 years we can totally reorient their thinking. Realign their moral compasses.
“The beauty of television is that we can also make them want lots of stuff. Everything they watch will make their lives seem dreary by comparison, make them dissatisfied with their lives, their jobs, their spouses, their children.
“We’ve got some teams working on new ideas called HGTV and Martha Stewart. Our plan is to make it so that even when they are resting at home, they won’t feel any peace.
“The bottom line is, the more they want, the more they’ll buy. We’ll make them spend more than they make . . . so that both parents have to work all the time. Lot’s of stress. Lot’s of overtime. Second jobs . . .not much time for the kids. When they come home they will be so tired they’ll just want to CRASH . . . . And where will they crash--are you ready for this?--in front of the TV!”
A particularly pale demon with huge dark circles under his eyes spoke up. “The technology division is working on this thing called the Internet. We think it’s going to be huge.
“The Internet will be a little like TV, but they’ll be able to interact with it—look at anything they want, buy anything they want with the click of a button! They won’t even need money—just a credit card number.” He nods to the Minister of Material Excess. “They will buy a lot of stuff on credit. And the opportunities for Theft and Fraud are just a bonus.”
“But won’t the enemy be able to use the Internet too? You know, to spread the Bad News?” The interruption came from Cynicism, one of the oldest.
“Of course, of course . . . they always try. But that will be a drop in the bucket compared to the avalanche of sleaze we will be able to run through it.”
“Oooo! Oooo!” A young member of the Communications Legion seemed about to burst. “We can use technology like that to create waves and waves of entertainment. Movies, videos, on-demand TV. Instead just good old ABC, NBC and CBS, they will have thousands of options to fill up their time. They’ll be able to access anything their weak little hearts want to watch.”
“The best part,” said Burden, “is that all this new entertainment, the new technology, wlll cost them more and more. They think they will have to have it, so they’ll work more and more. TV, the Internet, entertainment—these will be the primary sources of guidance for the children. Just imagine it . . . parents supplanted by content. And, of course, we know who will generate most of the content.”
Some in the group clapped enthusiastically, but most held back, knowing the boss was not one to waste time or energy.
“How’s our Guilt Initiative coming along? “ Satan asked.
Whittle, the project leader spoke nervously, talking very fast. “Oh, it’s going very well. As parents are more and more distracted, they always compensate by giving their children more and more stuff. And when they see other parents buying their kids stuff, they will have to get even more stuff. Which of course will guarantee they will get deeper in debt, and have to work even more, and then grow more guilty . . . it’s what the guys down in marketing call a “’delicious cycle.’”
“It sounds like a competition!” one called out.
“Oh it will be,“ said Whittle. “Parents will feel so much pressure just to keep up, just to put on the good show, it will consume a lot of them.”
Fated, who was observing his 3500th anniversary as Director of Intended Consequences had an idea. “You know what we need to go along with that? Kid’s sports. Lot’s of them—baseball, soccer, basketball, football, swimming, cheerleading—we can make it a year-round thing. We’ll fill their lives with it. When they’re not working, they will be at some field somewhere, focusing what energy they have left cheering at games. It worked in Rome.”
Fester, a junior member of Fated’s team, was eager for the boss to notice him. “So instead of parents actually spending time with their kids, they’ll encourage their kids to spend time with virtual strangers? That’s brilliant, sir!”
“We’ll actually make them feel guilty if they don’t!” Whittle added. “I like it.”
“There’s more,” Fated continued. “We can add—drum roll please—all-stars and select teams to burn up even more family time and fuel that competitive pride.” Fated paused and struck a pose that only a demon of his stature would dare in the presence of the great master, “I can envision parents buying outrageously expensive baseball bats--using their credit cards, of course, Burden--and expensive uniforms, and painting their kids names all over their mini-vans.”
“Huh . . . what’s a mini-van?” said Ignorance, who was always a little slow.
“I’ll explain later,” said Fated. “It’s something our Exxon division is working on.”
Estima, from the Pride Consortium weighed in. “I’ll see to it that some of those kids will get so full of themselves that by the time they’re teenagers they will be absolutely insufferable”
“That’s perfectly devilish! “ said Fated.
“Why, thank you!”
Gilded, the Vice President of Religious Development, rose on his six feet and raised his five hands to quiet the room. He waited for stillness. Gilded always expected complete attention when he spoke. Although Gilded never really had an idea of his own, but only adapted the ideas of others to take them as his own, he believed his ideas were the most compelling.
“These are fine ideas, brothers, but what we need is to undermine the churches. I think we need to bring into the churches the over-commitment of time, the expectations of a good show--anything that will add to the stress. We must keep people working on priorities that keeps them so busy, but do not really change anything.
“And competition. We will bring the competition thing into the church as well, so that some people feel they are better than others, and some feel they will never fit in.
“And the guilt thing—we want people to feel guilty all the time, so that even when they’re worshiping the Enemy, they won’t feel good about it. They’ll grow to detest church. By 2010 I see families staying away from churches in droves.”
Satan, who had been listening thoughtfully, said “Gentle creatures, this is excellent work. Great thinking, all of you.”
Then Doubt said something timidly. “But . . . but doesn’t the Bible warn them about all of this? Doesn’t it teach them to be aware of these things and live differently?
Satan replied, “I wouldn’t worry too much about that. We’ll have them so busy, so stressed out, so distracted, so en-ter-tained they won’t have time to read the Bible very much.”
With that Satan stood up to go. “I hate to break this up, but it is the 60’s after all and I’ve got a lot to do. I’ve got my sexual revolution task force at 9 . . . and the My Body My Choice team is stopping by at 10.”
Satan pulled out his iPhone and scrolled the calendar. “The remedial racism class is at 11:00.”
Turning to his assistant Satan said, “We need to push that nuclear propagation meeting so I can have lunch with the AIDS team from research and development . . . . And the World Poverty and Ignorance Sustainability Conference will be here before we know it.
“So much to do. So much to do.”
Comments
We plan on being there tonight with Joshua, see you guys then.
Christine @ Live to Learn